what da freak is wrong wif me?

AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OHHHHHMMYYYYYGGGGOOOSSSSHHHHH!!!

hai* sorry....ermm...i know i've not been posting for quite some time and here i am posting........i m really feeling hopeless...... just came back from da dansical rehearsal from NTU and i tell u guys, it just sucks. i mean, my performance just suks. other performances were so well done.....and only da pathetic choir did quite badly..... i dont know what happened.....we were just like the EXTRAS!!! oh gosh...... why am i training so hard? why am i avoiding food that will hurt my throat? why am i working so hard to train my voice? why am i still singing when i'm having a terrible throat? why did i went up to perform so hard even when i was having gastrics? why did i push so hard that i'm having muscle cramps? why? why?!! why am i doing so much when i'm only da extra??!!! the dancers and the ELDDS were like one group and choir was like another!!! there isnt any bond lor...... ok, at least some kind people from EL came to have lunch wif us during lunchtime...... but.... it was a silent lunch...only me and jan talking..... i feel like crying out loud siaxx.....but i promised myself i must be strong, cannot cry sho easily......so i cant cry. whad the freak is wrong wif me today?? i play wrong chords on the piano.....i went sharp during singing...... i couldnt hit the low notes..... i went off-pitch..... i had weak support..... i was coughing during the performance.....i tried but couldnt really smile.... wasnt really myself today.....not friendly at all.... feel so inferior......no confidence......what's wrong wif me?!!!! i'm so fed-up wif myself.....i m such a failure.....a total failure..... i cant keep the friendships going smoothly......didnt do well for geog.....didnt sing well....didnt eat well.....didnt sleep well..... i really dunno wad's wif me...... i dun have the energy to sing anymore..... i'm tired.... i'm sso sick of this kind of life..... i'm ffeeeling so cold.....i need some warmth..... i know there are people who cares for me out there.....like my gal-friends and faamily......but......i just feel that something is missing......i'm leading a colourless life..... although mr liew didnt scold me, i dun think he was happy wif me......such a weak support.....haixx.....wad to do? this is my life.

sorry to those who bu shuang my post.....but.....this is reallly how i feel.....i m just taking my blog to vent my anger and frustration.....